I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
