We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
