I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
