It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize