I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
