OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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