Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
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I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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