I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
