ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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