Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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