I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
