what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
