You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
