he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
