what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
