you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
