so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
