I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
