thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
