One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize