I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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