East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
