'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
