It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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