I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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