The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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