id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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