Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hippo gnu deer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
