it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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