You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
