yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
