Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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