Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
