he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
please don't ironically join a cult
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