I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
