She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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