Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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