I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
