So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
