Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
cat food counts as protein by the way
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
