Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
