Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
