In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
