If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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