After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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