our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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