Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
