So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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