holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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