I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize