Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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