'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize