I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
