One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
