All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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