nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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