Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
