the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
