Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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