but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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