I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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