It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
