While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
