did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
