When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
