It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
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He felt like a one man threesome
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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