I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
