why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
