I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
