I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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