I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
