I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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