were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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