Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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