Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Houston, we have a squirter
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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