it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
