once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
